Grandma’s window The Tantrum I painted this a month after my Grandma passed away. It’s from an old photograph and shows her holding my sister while I have a tantrum off to the side. I felt alone without her. I was lost. She was the last living force of steady unconditional love in my life. The irony for me is that my sister is calm and peaceful, something she’s rarely been. The painted imagery is blurry, much like the way I felt. This is the first time I’d painted on glass; I salvaged the window when my apartment got remodeled. 24×21″ oil painting on glass windowpane Painting Oil + Found Object 2015
Sf line drawing Mr. Right vs. Filbert & Hyde I made this just after moving to California. The first place I lived was at the corner of Filbert and Hyde in San Francisco. I’d driven cross-country with only what could fit in my car. I was researching the human form and paper dolls at the time. I was trying to understand myself while being submerged in the unfamiliar. Wondering how I fit into this new place, filling “myself” up with the Bay Bridge, the streetcar wires, contemplating what was to come. Until this time I’d lived within 90 miles from my family, my home, my friends – and now I was 3,500 miles away, alone. 12×15″ / 7×13″ paper, pencil, photocopy collage, cardboard, washi tape, repurposed frame Drawing 2013 (2014)
Inside or out? I was continuing to work with the human form and the idea of paper dolls. Perhaps feeling like a paper doll myself, displaced in a new city, feeling alone, trapped, but sensing there was a window that would take me somewhere. I think it was about the fear of opening that window, of doing something new and unfamiliar. I had begun teaching K-4th graders to sew at school and found myself taking the technique home, using a needle and thread to stitch the words “inside or out” into my canvas. 11×14″ oil paint, paper collage, sewing on canvas Painting Oil + Mixed Media Collage 2014
I recall feeling uncomfortable in my skin, taking several photos of myself trying to find an angle that didn’t disgust me. I was insecure and I painted it. My pose is uncomfortable and manipulative yet the paint feels soft and gentle. Sometimes we don’t see the beauty in our own imperfection but it’s there. 24×36″ oil on canvas Painting Oil 2015
Oregon final The Oregon Trail I’ve never liked having my picture taken, always preferring to be the one behind the camera. My friend Judy took this of me towards the end of an incredible road trip to the Olympic National Forest. Nature has always soothed me, reconnected me to myself. I felt lost and found at the same time. Able to hide, and able to be seen. 36×24″ oil on canvas Painting Oil 2014
(nude) neon yellow Do you like me now? This is me objectifying myself. Originally a “sext message” sent. It’s dark. It’s about being a toy. It’s empty, yet full of desperation. 22×28″ oil on canvas Painting Oil 2015
Carrie’s Bathroom The Fourth of July I took this selfie in Carrie’s bathroom on the 4th of July. I looked good and felt good but the painting doesn’t show that. It shows me using that to please someone else. The painting is about being something for someone else, how unsatisfying and deflating that is. 29×38″ oil on unstretched canvas Painting Oil 2016
Now Vending This is about rebirth. It was a search for what I offered as a woman in the world, in relationships, what I was made of. It’s almost sarcastic, myself as a vending machine, made from laser cutter scraps. Would you like to buy something? What are you taking from me? What will I have left when it’s gone? Who is it for? I show myself taking a photo of myself, looking for myself perhaps. 24×30″ oil on canvas, laser cutter, paper, Mod Podge, Sharpie Painting Oil + Mixed Media Collage 2015
Sunglasses Home for the Holidays Going home for the holidays challenges me. It is emotional and unstable. Every Christmas my mother is clinically depressed, my sister is (more often than not) addicted to drugs, and my extended family takes the time to critique me. What are you doing with your life? Are you ever moving back? What is next? You’ve gained weight… Your mother wants grandchildren… Why aren’t you married? 9×12″ acrylic, paint markers, Sharpie, glitter, nail polish on canvas board Painting Oil 2017
Why I March #WhyIMarch This piece was about confidence and letting myself play with materials. It was about embracing my curves. I finished it, adding the “#WhyIMarch, just before walking out the door to go to the Women’s March. I grew up surrounded by a force of strong, liberal women. I finally found a part of myself that day that related to them, that was driven by the political, though it had always been there. 11×14” acrylic, markers, paper, paint pens, Mod Podge on canvas board Painting Oil + Mixed Media Collage 2017
Little Jess, Big This is the first painting I ever made in which you can see my face clearly. Not only as an adult but as a child, who lives within me. It was about cleaning up the mess I’d made when I forgot to take care of her. It is about how important we are to each other, and how capable I am of taking care of her. I look directly at you and somehow through you all at once, trying to internalize a lesson that took 30-some years to learn. 24×36″ oil and acrylic painting, Mod Podge collage with paper, gold leaf, washi tape on canvas Painting Oil + Mixed Media Collage 2017
What kept me from myself This is about emerging from the darkest time in my life. It’s about looking hard at myself, my life, my family and realizing how lost I’d become. Buried underneath the paint are letters to my sister, my ex, pictures of myself, affirmations, painted over slowly as I worked through the process of finding myself alone again, starting over. My mother gave me an article which is the first thing that went onto the canvas, entitled, “What Kept Me From Killing Myself.” She gave it to me because it was about someone who used to live in an apartment building I shared – I could not see past the title. Halfway through the painting, which is still a work in progress and evolving, I realized the title of the article was the name of the piece, minus the word “killing.” For the record, I’ve never been suicidal. As I paint she feels, I feel, lighter. The eye contact haunted me but as I continue to work with her she softens, becoming more lovable, because of her experiences. 36×24″ acrylic painting and mixed media collage on canvas Painting Acryclic + Mixed Media 2018
Al-anon One day at a time. This was my bottom. My boyfriend left me, my Kickstarter failed, my sister relapsed and disappeared. I’d lost everything. I’d tried everything except Al-anon (a 12-step program for the friends and family of alcoholics): therapy, workshops, self-help books, journaling, painting but I was lost and surrounded in darkness. Al-Anon saved me, it became a light I could follow slowly while I crawled out of the rubble. This was the second meeting I went to. The painting/collage shows my feet- turned in, shy, surrendering, a tissue box, and The Unity Prayer. 9×12″ paper, acrylic paint, photocopy, paint pens, nail polish, Sharpie, Mod Podge on canvas board Painting Acryclic + Mixed Media 2018
Stand up straight & tell the truth I went to a meeting and shared about this application process, how afraid I was, how much I wanted it. A man came up to me after and gave me this advice: “stand up straight and tell the truth.” 18×14″ acrylic paint, paint pens, marker, oil pastels, nail polish on canvas Painting Acryclic + Mixed Media 2018
Take Refuge This is a work in progress. It is about taking refuge within. It is about practice and routine, growth and self-perception. Because it is not done, I do not see it clearly. I only know what I am seeking. 18×24″ acrylic on canvas Painting Acryclic + Mixed Media 2018
nude with affirmation Self Portrait I often work with photos and photocopies in various ways when I paint, looking for the light and the details. I drew an affirmation from my jar and my puppy got ahold of it. She chewed off just enough to remove the reference to the past, leaving the words “embrace the present.” I pulled it out of her mouth and looked at it and I smiled. I tossed it onto my desk and it landed on this image I’d been working within my paintings. I looked down and realized It was the last piece, the end of this portfolio. It was the way to show the inside of my work, myself, my practice, my process. In my final work, I am exposed, vulnerable, ready and willing. 4×5.5″ paper and photocopy collage paper and photocopy collage 2018
What kept me from myself This is about emerging from the darkest time in my life. It’s about looking hard at myself, my life, my family and realizing how lost I’d become. Buried underneath the paint are letters to my sister, my ex, pictures of myself, affirmations, painted over slowly as I worked through the process of finding myself alone again, starting over. My mother gave me an article which is the first thing that went onto the canvas, entitled, “What Kept Me From Killing Myself.” She gave it to me because it was about someone who used to live in an apartment building I shared – I could not see past the title. Halfway through the painting, which is still a work in progress and evolving, I realized the title of the article was the name of the piece, minus the word “killing.” For the record, I’ve never been suicidal. As I paint she feels, I feel, lighter. The eye contact haunted me but as I continue to work with her she softens, becoming more lovable, because of her experiences. 36×24″ acrylic painting and mixed media collage on canvas Painting Acryclic + Mixed Media 2018
Jess is a high school teacher, food allergy collector, writer, artist, and entrepreneur living in Alexandria, VA. 
